Thursday, November 27, 2008


I was readIng a novel around a year ago. "A bag of bones" by Stephen KIng. The protagonIst there was a wrIter and I swear to the Holy Cows he suffered from , what they call a "WrIter's Block" for around 120 pages....!!!

It was a major task belIeve me, to get past those 120 pages. I slogged day and nIght for hIm to get over hIs dead wIfe and start wrItiIng. By the one hundredth page I thought I was suffeIng from a "Reader's Block" I couldn't go on a step further. But then I saw 'Courage the Cowardly Dog' on CN and I was InspIred. I went ahead wIth It and found out that the guy fInds a new babe wIth a kId In the country.

Well the story really took off from there. WIth a lots of twIsts and turns and a lot of "Spooky" actIon It had a bIttersweet endIng.

Why am I tellIng you all thIs?? I don't really know. I've been held on GunPoInt to wrIte somethIng. There's a lot goIng on at present...

1) India Is on a wInnIng streak agaInst England in the ODI serIes.

2) Its almost December and I've not yet seen wInter. One of the reasons I don't lIke B'bay. Btw Its been almost a year and a half... :(

3) "Job's a joke n I'm broke" is to be the background lIne of my professIonal lIfe.

4) I've been very '
happy happy gay gay' sInce quIte a few months now... but then "Dostana" released... and I've been very 'happy happy' sInce quIte a few months now.

5) I celebrated my bIrthday a few days back. StartIng It wIth a lovely wIsh, to cuttIng pastrIes to openIng gIfts to recIvIng awesome testImonIal to goIng out wIth a frIend to a dInner wIth the famIly.

6) I've been actIng very "out of the normal" these days. *detaIls not to be gIven* Most of you guys don't know me... and I thInk I'll run the rIsk of beIng mIsunderstood... If you know what I mean... ;)

7) Bombay (cuz I lIke It better than MumbaI) Is under a terrorIst attack. Its been more than 24 hours and the fIght Is stIll on. Its stupId and horrIble. The bIggest terrorIst attack on India tIll date.

8) I'm excIted about a lot of stuff, and more excIted about the others.

9) I'm tryIng to wrIte but I dunno why.. I can't.. MIght be sufferIng from a "WrIter's Block"...!!!

Just thought you should know..

How ya doIn...?

Friday, November 14, 2008

The love of friendship and beyond.

I’ve had a lot of friends since childhood.And I’m not friends with all of them now.Some have got lost in time..some have disappeared with no excuses..and some..have been kicked out of my life.As I’ve grown older..The meaning of friendship has changed to me.When I was a kid..I needed a friend only to laugh along and talk to in school..As a grew older I needed frnds to go out with and share my stupid secrets with.And now..Being a 22 yr old..I need friends go be with me through all the ups and downs in my life.
Im a sensitive hopeless case at times.I have sky high expectations..and I get hurt easily..I hate explaining myself to just anyone and I hate not being understood by people who are close to me.
Things in my life relating to frndship are somehow blown outta proportion every now and then..and the shuffle mode between me and my friends is always almost on.Over the time..and now..I’ve failed to understand..that why do I fail at keeping friendships intact..Am I a sucker for attention?Or am I a case of retarded thinking?Or simply..someone who thinks a lot..Who expects a lot.
I’ve always thought that having a bunch of frnds around always..really close ones is always good than having a best friend.I haven’t really believed in the concept of a ‘best friend’ all my life..maybe it was an excuse of not being able to have one..or maybe I was to weak to admit that one of my all closest frnds was my favourite and best of the lot.

I'm in a transition state now..Where I am thinking that having a best friend than having a group of close friends might be a better idea.
It alteast saves the time u waste on being insecure and disgusted.And plus u do know whom to trust the most and whom to rely upon without thinking twice.It amuses me sometimes how drastically things change over a small period of time..of how we start to hate someone..and love someone in such a short span..
I wonder sometimes..what keeps friendship goin?Being vocal with the feelings?Being too emotive?Or being soft..Every now and then?I always thought friendship never needed testimonies…But then,people change over time..and I am people..What I have learnt is..Sometimes..just being also not enough..
Im a lazy person..when I see something slipping away from my hands..I don’t bother to go catch it..I let fate play the game..Not that I wanna be miserable..I just hate to demand once I see its not required..and fate has been cruel and sarcastic..Well..most of the times..I have been lazy.
And the time when I have been anything but lazy..I’ve carried a notion that doing something for someone is obviously more important than mere talking.But my gradual realization has been that we all remember more of what people say or have said..Than what they do..or have done..How ironic is that..
I guess sometimes being a poorer version of u saves u from hurting a higher version of you…
Its like coming to terms with life..
Trying not to expect when u wanna expect the most.
Playin along when you are retired hurt.

Well someday…I’m gonna call up all of my old friends..and get in touch..No matter what..but that day is not today..Today is a different day.And its not my day.

Sunday, November 9, 2008


so I am headIng back to my place after work. It was a nIce day at offIce. not much work. enjoyed chattIn wIth my colleagues. roamed around, drank a bIt to much coffee. so I am wIde awake. Its nIce and cozy today outsIde. pleasant breeze, a bIt chIllIng but the effect Is soothIng... too good. Its a perfect day. spIc & span. nothIng was gray today.

I'm thInkIng about her. an evenIng wIth her, dInner, some wIne and a bIt of dance. lovely...!

I'm almost there. headIng up the drIveway, I'm happy and content. the day has been amazIngly satIsfyIng.

I'm at the door now, pressIng the bell, waItIng ImpatIently to barg In and kIss her...

door opens and HE says "SurprIse...!"

I am shocked. shocked out of my wIts. What In the name of god...!! I cant belIeve It. I never thought thIs can happen. how can....
I'm losIng my grIp. Its hard to stand stIll.. Its gettIng dark... I cant see anythIng... n last thIng I heard was a thudd.. I was lyIng flat on my back...

Its not so hard to ImagIne my hysterIcal state. I bet you'd take It harder than I dId.

wanna know who answered the door??

It was ME...!

Monday, October 13, 2008

What I do not know of love.

Im half awake from my afternoon extended afternoon sleep.I had to sleep..I bunked college today.So it was customary.My head spins like a record!but what the hell..!lately(as usual rather)..I've deprived sleep of me.. well..Confusion!! relationships!I desperately wanna write about them..and today being a seized holiday from college, was a good day for discussion between me and my friends..How do we know its love? Whats the proof?Cliched...I know..but I was forced to think about it from some recent developments around me(dont ask..)..Ive been infatuated for like a million times in my life..right from college..and they've died out like..poof!!(not the guys..the infatuations!)..on most of the times I knew it was merely attraction..and on the other times..I knew the guy was a loser..I once read somewhere that infatuation brings out the best in the person..I guess I took it quite seriously for a while..and then..I grew up.

I had a big crush on my substitute teacher(like every girl in my class in school) so happened that the guy gave us an assignment for find out words ending with 'nation'..i searched the hell outta oxford dictionary..and when i was sure that my list of words was way ahead than anyone Else's in the class..i came to know that he had left the school.father of the Nation!

similarly..there was this guy at the coaching centre i used to study of smiles..looks..friends teasing...and then..jaundice..!!!and he never recovered!

Guy in college..big crush!i almost thought it was love..until my friend told me that he was gonna propose to some other girl in the class the next day..Crushed!

Infatuated.Crushed.Did bring the best out of me!!Out Out Out!

Anyway..There's no list here..(even if there is..there's gonna be no list HERE)..somebody once told me that love begins from infatuation..But..What if I'm infatuated towards a wrong person and that he never falls in love with me..And I keep on wasting my love on him..Would that be infatuation converting to love?Would I say that I am in love with him,when he is not?When I fall in love with someone,is it necessary that the guy also has to fall in love with me?or..Do I realize that it is love..only when he's fallen for me?Is love always a mutual feeling?Would my infatuation convert to love only when he starts to show that he likes me too..I wanna know..

Too many questions!Sleep is taking its toll on me..and by the ways..I'm writing after ages..I missed my blog..I went to goa..I had a blast..I hate to study..I hate getting up early in the morning for college..I hate goin to the college..I hate it when two people who are in love..Fight.

I just dont get the logic..Im confused..why do the expectations go sky high..that it needs some one from Krypton to fetch them back?Why do we behave like we have some supernatural powers of always being right..and the other person is merely a mis-take!

So whats more important?Time?Love?or Patience?Tell me..

Ohkay..What do u think happens in love?Do u own the other person?or..The person belongs to you?Or you belong to each other?

Is love just enough to take care of us?Or do we need more of it?Or more of other things?

Am i sounding really confused here?I think I am..I think I must stop..think some more..and write again after sometime..Meanwhile..Meanwhile..

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Of course It happens!!

Two months ago..when I was studyin hard for my exam the next day..keepin in mind that it has to go on like this for the coming two more months ( also keepin in mind that if I dont study now ,Im gonna flunk)..I was cursing my luck..cursing my fate..cursing the course..and cursing the Mount Everest sylabus..Just one..The only one thing that comforted me at that time..was..There's gonna be a time when I wont even see these fatso books...( 'eent'- I like to call them)..forget about the reading,mugging and puking cycle..they'l be gone..and I wud be having the fun of a lifetime!! lGosh! And look at what happened!! Look at me!! Im a girl who's exams finished 10 days ago( bloody 10 days!)..and she still hasnt seen 'Jaane tu'..and 'Batman- dark night[knight my sis likes to call it!!]'(Yeah..Dpk..u cud laugh at me once more!!)..
Well...not that i didnt try for them..I did go! With a hope..a big one at that..Two theatres..!I didnt like the timings of the movie at first one went to check out at another one(now..keep a newspaper always with ya when u go out for a movie...coz u dont wanna end up the way I did!!!)..well..In the second theatre..there was no show( what else were they showcasing huh..?male striptease act!!?) Whatever!!
And so..we went back to the first one..only to discover that the show was sold out!!
( luck seems to be goin on the same track when I think of choosing a boyfriend!)
I was hell mad at that time!I could have killed someone!!
But and my bro decided to eat at Pizza hut(or was it Dominoes..?)..and ..while I was still eating my last slice of bro got up and began to walk away!!..
Me: ''What the hell is ur problem!!...Koi ladki teri girlfriend ban hi nahi sakti..!!Cant u see Im still eating!!''
Seems like the curse hardly made a difference to him..coz he's still on fone everynight!!..and Look at me!!Damn!

I had an amazing viva 10 days ago..The person made sure..that for not one moment I could have enough guts to look into his eyes and answer him..and made sure that the patient I was assigned..completly believed that I was a complete idiot with no knowledge of my subject whatsoever!Humiliation is too small a word for it..I guess it was one of those moments when I wud just wanna be invisible! poof! I dont exist!..Now that exactly didnt happen..but the person sure made me feel that way!
God! the result's still pending..I hope the external from hell(now u HAD to be there to understand what he was saying in his stupid accent!! Whenever he said sth..I wud furrow my forehead..with a stupid expression on my face..tryin to understand wht he was trying to tell me- and so..'TUBERCULOSIS' became 'TUBURLLOM'..and the furrows on my forehead deepened!)
I was doomed!.. me and my friend(joint viva) came out of the hospital ward...wiping the sweat off our foreheads..and evryone pounced on us! 'What happened..!! It took u guys 25 mins!!''
When I heard that I was about to well...faint...coz to me it seemed like an eternity..I mean..I cud have found a guy..fallen in love with him..told my parents about him...gotten married..even have babies in that time. And they say it was just 25 mins! Ha!

Aftermath:My educated patient..adds me on orkut and scraps me.."Hey was the viva..will u pass in it?hehehe!!''...My reply..''Hopefully..why do u ask?''...Patient, "Nothing..Didnt seem like it!!hehe!!''..Aarrgghh!!

Talkin on orkut..well..the past seems to crop up...and big time this time..There's this school community where not many people post their comments..dunno of my ex classmate..Mr.W posted that he wanted to apologize to sm1 with whom he faught over 50 bucks!..Now..all that I wrote was..'' Yaar de do iske 50 rs jisne bhi liye hain'' (keepin good spirit in it ;) )...And boy..!! did he lose it!! I mean what!!!Now he's messagin me..cursing me ..askin ppl for my mail id...I mean ive had people following me..but not this kind!! haha!! [if u really wanna know what all happened..ask me..alag se!]

Right..finally..the icing on the my phone..'was' actually..its no fine day..when Im out..bugger ditches me..gets switched off..I come back home..plug in the doesnt a comatose patient..and just as u talk to a coma patient..thinkin that he's able to listen to u..but doesnt respond..I gave my cellphone the choicest of the blessings..!! No wonder..It never got switched on!!and is dead forever(and now i really believe that some of my 'cellfone curses' got backfired!!)..With all my contacts..messages that I had saved for more than a year..My pics.. :( [i know..pity me..]..poof! gone!

And u hve no idea how it is like to beg in front of ur bro..(who hs 3 cellfones) to give u just one..temporarily..and being refused for that!!( happy rakhi!!) hehehe!! all those people who call me now..I really dunno..who's who..and I end up missing all the calls!!LOL!!

So tell u really see me enjoyin? I dont..I cud go back to the 'bricks'..and make houses outta those..atleast I wud see new people!!
And yeah by the way..Hows my new pic?? hehe..I know it looks like..''Aww..I have the most beautiful pair of eyes '' and all that crap..but what the heck!!I never took a thing! ;)

In another 10 coll will reopen..and I will have to return to new 'bricks' life seems to sad rite now..When actually it had to be great..but..this is just the tip of the frustation..[ u could always comment about my new pic though..keepin in mind that Im sad thing rite now..!!] (!!)

Now more important thing...Never, ever go hungry to watch a movie..!!And specially if the movie intermission is for like..umm ..10 seconds..coz..u never know..u might not even have enough money to go back home..really..this happened with me...and dont ask about the movie..!!
Mummy!! hehehe!! Returns! damn![actually I dont even remember the full name of the movie..all I rem..was me yelling out at those stupid action scenes..''Kuch bhi hota hai kya ismein?!''...and hi-fiving my friend after every 5 minutes..!![for some really stupid special effects!]..
and so I came outta theatre like a burnt palms..with a hole burned in my pocket! ;)

Finishing off..on a good was My day!! I robbed my bro and cousins..!! And now Im rich! Hehehe..I love rakshabandhan!!The only day for girls( and bhai..I dont think I wud react to what u say in response to this!! lol)
Hmm..I guess im done for this time..This is like..a lot of updates!!
[and guess that I shared it..Im feeling better already...sob! sob!]

Sunday, July 6, 2008

The purpose.. :)

May 25th was the last post..Im such a irregularly irregular person!Im not even regular at being irregular..and Hey..talking of the may 25th post..I got like million comments(not in written)..all asking 'why? why?'..umm..why..i just felt like it..;) No more whys!Though I feel it got too,too depressing..!Ah! I just get carried away at times...and yeah that kinda stuff will come up every now and then..until I sort out!and thats gonna happen pretty Final exams are comin up in the next 10 days..damn!I have to get sorted out!Coz 6 months is a long time!;)
Righto...Ive titled it 'The purpose' coz it sounds like the name of some oscar winning movie like 'The departed'..and whatever..(bad humor..i know)..u'd eventually come to know about 'The purpose'..chill!
So last week..(when I should have been studyin day and night...)I was watchin oscar winning movies..I watched 'blood diamond'..I must say the movie was quite moving..and even if I had 13 hearts( a cockroach has 13 hearts)..I cud have given all of them to just Leonardo..He's brilliant..The reality of the movie hit me..and I kept on thinkin after the movie about it..and I looked at my diamond earrings in the mirror...cud they be..umm..I hope not...

One thing about Leonardo..why does he have to die in the end in all of his movies??Thats kiddish observation I know..but if I recall..Titanic,Departed,Blood Diamond..My advice to those hollywood directors and scriptwriters..keep him alive dudes..he's worth a lot more when he's alive.!!
Anyway..then..I saw 'Micheal Clayton'..sheesh!I mean good..u make an oscar winning movie..and u have George Clooney in it..(and George Clooney has so much to him..the eyes..the smile..the fact that he's not gay despite the rumors)..but atleast have a bloody background score.!!I mean seriously,I think that the background score is the more important aspect of a movie..( think Titanic..and I think of me weeping everytime they showed Rose and Deadman separating!) Pstt!!! I watched half of the movie(michael clayton) once when I cudnt sleep in the afternoon and it took me 4 days to continue with the rest of the movie!But plz for god's sake!!! give them the oscars..but atleast have such dialogues that people like me can understand..or..put me on the oscar jury!;)
Next.A mighty heart...Love u Angelina!She's perfect..she's so damn perfect with her acting(the former perfect was for her pout,eyes,hair, no..dont think otherwise..i still say im happy that george clooney is not gay!!) the movie she has a thick french accent..(that hardly seems french though)..but whatevr it is..she's perfect at that too..its a sad sad movie..but i dunno i have a thing for sad movies..they're like there in the mind for years..and this one stays for more than that.umm..mighty heart hasnt won any oscars,has it?anyway..this one deserves..Put me on the jury i say!!

I watched 'city of angels'..for like the 100th time last week..It is SOME movie!!Generally,i dont like nicholas cage( for burning a hole in my pocket to buy tickets to movies like 'World Trade Centre','Wickerman','Ghostrider')..but in this movie he plays an angel..and I just love the way he looks at Meg Ryan!mwah!
Im a big movie freak!I guess its a great utilisation of the 'vella' time(read exams)!!On a date a guy first asked me when the movie started,''Do u like watching the movie chup-chaap or with comments in between?''. Me...''hehe..chup-chaap of course!!''. He was chup-chaap even at the lunch that followed the movie!! Now now,special mention..I prefer talkin in between the movie when im watchin it for the second time(Bhai..i know you're reading it!!)
I dunno why am I writng about movies here..Hey..see someday if I star into one! How would that be..!! Ok not hollywood,bollywood! then I cud compete Aamir Khan's blog!!(yeah, I heard so many 'Whatevers!')
But its a good thing..I cud write here about the movies that I see in times to come!anhaan!!

By the ways,have I left 'The purpose' behind..??I will return with the purpose..!I have to!

Sunday, May 25, 2008


I dunno what I should write here today..I never am sure..but today I feel like an angry guitarist,mad at the world..mad at the at everything ever created..everything that ever took birth..Crazy..Disgusted..Aloof...Sunk.
Im like a guitarist today who wud play his music until his fingers bleed..until his head aches.Until he's given up...Until he knows its enough.So deep in thoughts and madness that he's given up the fight for air.The struggle has been put to rest.Who knows nuthin about anything..but knows just one thing..That there's no afterlife.And thanks God for that.
Ive been accused of going into a 'Shell'..Ive been persuaded to come outta it time and again..I wish it was as easy as easily its said..I wish things were that easy to share all the time..half of everyone's troubles would have put to rest then.Life would have been so damn easy..
Today I can define some things clearly..A rope that Im holding and all my world is clung to its other end..the rope's slipping..but its not dragging me with it..perhaps my world just shrunk and weighs less now..perhaps my world doesn't want me..perhaps I want to be proved wrong..perhaps..'Perhaps' was never a word.. all that I want..Certainty is what I crave for..helplessness is what I loathe..I wish things were simpler..and simpler things were handled even more simply.I wish I was never this helpless ..this helpless..
I wish I were a supergirl.I wish I were god.I wish I was so many people at so many times.I wish I wasnt me this time.I wish I laughed without a sad thought at the back of my mind.I wish I cud clarify my thoughts.I wish I could just do something about somethings.I wish I could break all the shells.And sell off my mind somewhere.
I so badly wish I was a guitarist.I so badly wish I could just sing..shout..yell..scream..
I wish I had less shades of blue and more of yellow..I wish I cud just lie dormant and close my eyes..with no pain in me.
Shines! bright Shines! Laughters!Smiles!cant things always just be about them?
I feel like a sad angry guitarist who wants no answers to his questions..Who wants all the answers to all his questions..Who doesnt give a damn to the world outside his world..Who's connected somewhere..somewhere he doesnt wanna get disconnected from..
Kick all the hopes..forget about everything..Dont look into the mirror..Go off to sleep..Dream..Dream about things u always wanted to happen to you..Shut down.
Think of a place where everyone was happy with evryone.Think of a place where Ive never been to.Love.Laugh.Smile.Smile with spark in ur eyes.And speak no walls.
Just me and my world.
Its never too much to ask for.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Come on..Fall..!!

This is a funny little story about three gals.

Caution: The story might get a little too funny..and u might tend to fall off the place ur sittin at..(in case ur not sitting anywhr..I suggest u should)..!

Alright..3 gals..(Im gettin paid for writng these words..)

Time:3:30 pm

Date:2oth april

Place:Sector 15,Chandigarh

The three cute gals thought that they would save rupees 20 that day..and so..they didnt hire a cab or an auto..intsead..they went cheap..went by a rickshaw(I told u gals..!! this really sounds so cheap)

Ohk..ok..people travel by rickshaws all the time..Im sure u must have too..If not..then..go,get a life!!;)

Ehmm..lemme describe the rickshaw puller..lean..probably 90 yrs old..big specs..(i guess with those on his eyes ..he cud see my electrons and protons..and evryone's else's too-they were that thick!)..

Desciption of the using any other word is forbidden!)

So the gals sat on the rickshaw on a hot summer after noon..(just in case u dunno whr they were heading to..they were goin for this famous chineese restaurant)..the rickhaw puller begins to...wel..pull...(with three gals on his rickshaw..he didnt hve much options!)..All of a sudden..the red light crossing appears..the rickshaw speeds up...coz of the steeping road..and (I think..the richshaw wala was too busy staring at the electrons of the road..or was drunk..or..sleepy..I dont care what he was!!)..and..the rickshaw begins to just slide if it had no brakes..he was to turn to the other road..coz there was a footpath to the other side..but but...but...he didnt!! he didnt!!..and the intelligent gals realized it..and they started yelling at the top of their vioces...''AAAAAAaaaaaaa..!!!AAAA!!!''

[This yelling was special for two reasons..1. They all started to yell at the same time..2. Even if no one was actually lookin at what was going to happen..with the yells..they ENSURED that everyone looked at the scene]

And it Hit!

It hit bad!

The gals came tumbling down to the road on a hot summer afternoon..carefully grabbing the attention of every single living being within a radius of 2 kms of that area..they fall on one by one...The one who fell first..just jumped on the footpath..The one who fell second..flew up in the air..tossed out like an omelet in a pan..and fell..and The third...damn!! She was kinda rebel...coz when she fell down..she just didnt fall alone...she took the rickshaw puller with her..(now..she is a wise gal...if u dont know yet..)..and she and the 90 yr old rickshaw puller..together rolled on the muddy footpath(ha! filmy!)..the gal fell with head first on the ground..and then everything followed..the other two gals in the mean time stood up and asked the third gal if she's ok and needs help..Like a true Warrior..Rebel..She declines..! And gets up on her own..with a bruised elbow..and leg..!!

The 90yr old..says...'ur fault'..the gals were too busy to notice this..and tell him to get the hell outta that place..Stood up..they pic up their bags..shed the dust of their clothes..and begin laughin like crazy..(never seen 3 people laugh so madly before)..[sometimes just a horrified look on ur frnds the laugh reflex..and thats when its most funny...and that is what actually happend that day]..

Enter a 'car wala'...honk..honk..honk...'' Are u okay?? Are u alright?'' the gals were too embarrassed to reply..

Enter an autowala.." did this all happen..hehehe!!..Madam how did this..hahaa...happen..hehe...madam..haha..I'll drop u...haha..but how...haha!!''

The third gals pics up her bad..and drags her bruised body to the auto ( She later realises..that the headfones to her ipod are broken..the headsets to 2nd gal's cellfone are broken too)..They all sit..


*Exchange of looks


*More Laughs!

They fell upon each other laughin..

Enter:Famous chineese restaurant..

*Silence again..

(gals look for a table..)

*They sit


(They look at each other's faces..)

*Laughs..! more laughs...they laughed..until the restaurant guys increase the vol of the music..(so that the ambiance of the restaurant is not interfered with..)

Enter: other friends..

Enter:madness !!!

So that was the funny story..If u didnt find it funny...dont try telling me..!!;)

This is a perfect funny experience...!nuthin else cud be funnier for three college comedy..they're the stars!and they're stupid..and they're never travelling by a rickshaw again.!

There are some things that happen in life.. about which if u just think..u start smiling..but this one has surpassed everything..we sit..and remember..and laugh...laugh like crazy..

Its an adventure gone misadventure..!I dont want anymore of these..!coz this one has got printed in our minds forever..!

So people..c'mon fall..I bet u cant fall like us! :)

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Message Pending...

Arrgghh..Im so irritated right now..!!Someone on orkut just asked me if I were a girl coz he thought I was married..jerk!I gave him the proper dosage of what he reqd.!jerk...!!!

Anyway..this is not the thing that I was gonna write about..(jerk!)..yeah..There's this thing that I wrote long my cellfone actually...Quite depressing(quite opposite to my mood rite now)..but I think that since I have it till deserves to be here..

I remember those!I had dropped a year for my medical entrances..It seemed like the end of the world to me.I mean, I thought that it was the last year of my life practically..but I just survived under the pressure..Luckily I came out alive..and Im sure Im not the only one who had to go through the Drop Year Trauma...Its sucks yaar..I think of it now..and the only thing that I can think of is..That i dont wanna think about it..!!Alright..Im happy to be where Im now(As if i have an option!)..:)

One thing's for sure now..No more entrances for me..I'll rather kill myself.!(no..Im not depressed..Im just too flamboyant today)...Ive heard this a lot of time..(From my drunken friends actually)..'I wish God made a perfect partner for me..and he/she just walked up to me and said hi!'...Hello!! How about..'God made some post grad arrangements for me and the university walks upto me to say..come on baby!!! ugh! Anyways..I know God's not listenin..ehm..readin i mean..!!( He never does!!!)

(Just wondering could that jerk say that I looked like a married woman..damn!! damn!) cool..!
Yeah..Its something about Life I wrote 4 years ago..I was too Depressed..Annoyed..and possibly wanted to kill myself..(ofcourse i didnt);)

I guess the pending mesaage has to get delivered today.

You are not what u think you are.
Coz you are what your life teaches you about you.
Your life aint your follower.
Its your boss as your fate.
Its a mockery as your past..sarcastic joke as your present.
It shows you the path,derails you and asks you to put yourselves back.
Its the mirage that u see on a hot desert afternoon.
Rainbow that is made by harshness of the sun and loss of the clouds..still it is beautiful to you.
Colors that have to disappear.
Emptiness that has to emerge.
Darkness that descends upon you.
Madness that encircles you.
Life is yours.Deal with it.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Its been more than a month now..and I would not say that I've been too busy to write anything..instead..Ive been listless..clueless..and I choose this very day to write coz its the peak of my listlessness ..Lemme see what I write when I have nothing to write about..

As a kid in school I used to interchange a lot of words..'Alone' and 'Lonely' were one of those..But as I've grown up and seen enough people and world around me.I can say when I feel alone and when lonley..Alone is not something I wud say that I am..Being Lonely is a curse..

Its like u think for hours over nuthin..spoil your sleep over nuthn..u think of things in a boring lecture..while watchin TV..think of things while u r with ur friends..sometimes..even when dealin with a patient..thinking of Emptiness..The Stark reality of ur life..thinkin of when will u get a chance to prove ur be able to look into future and be able to say..'Im doin good right now'.To think of the efforts u r putting into someting,anything..and say that they're worth be able to love urself despite the hundred billion faults in fight with the past..

Sometimes..things seem so uncertain..frnds and frndships seem momentary..temporary..Of how in the end Im one person..and just a One Single Person.

Why are people bound by boundations..why arent we true to everyone..why do I have to think of what to talk and more importantly..what not to talk.!why is it that we get misunderstood just on the basis of what we say..why cant people be understood and judged on the basis of what they feel about u..and not what they say?

And how life changes..its an irony..all the people I was good pals with in are lost somewhr..not wanting to be found and pulled back.Why do I have so many virtual frndships now that would never terminate into real frndships..and why despite all this I call myself Practical.?

I liked the carefree..restless world of school..Fun! Happy! Useless!Funny!not one thing on my mind to think about..not one grudge..not one guilt.not one dodging.Plain.Simple. Stupid.Funny.Impractical.Dreamer.Me.

I dont hate being a human being of this age either..but there's not much fun left.Why are 'Irritation' and 'Expectation'..such big..ugly..painful words?And why am I always caught somewhr between them?Always dyin coz of them?Why am i always in pain coz of them?

Can I have a better life.? Can I not?Miles to go before i sleep..Where each mile seems like a light year.

Thursday, March 20, 2008


Ta-da!! stupid things happen to stupid people and people like me make stupid things happen(in more then one though im being specific about the dating scene!)..well..however exciting it might sound ..the thought of meeting some person for the first time..goin on a date..spending a date..the fact sucks in the end..this entire datng thing has been a disaster to me..i wish i could just give away the details to let everyone believe..but then i dont wanna be the laughin stock!hehe..!!
I give my best shot..getting ready..tryin many dresses..eating up my frnds head..'do i look good in this?'..'too revealing?'..'too plain?'..'too desperate?'..and what not!and finally when i ready..thr always always a thing that never plays along..! my Hair!! never! never!aarrghh!but anyways..lill flaws 'hair' and there are acceptable ..even welcome..when i see my date! thought..'wish i was bald!'..haha..this could get quite controversial..and isi vajah se im writing this too realy in the blog coz only a few people know about my blog it rite now..i can bare the truth!
Honey's money! issues..too confusing yaar..where do i much..equal to him?do i let him spend?am i worth he worth it..!(plz dont kill me!!)
meeting very very careful..they could already have girlfriends!!LOL!
meeting common friends..dont! go too close!! sudden outburst of emotions in the other person wil force him to embrace u..!!*cough *cough!im suffocating!!..Leave me alone!!
i just hope i dont deserve hell after posting it..!mercy!
tried and tested friends..!!meet in a group of people..that ways u run lesser chances of getting bored to death..or even even an asthma attack!*cough!
P.S. i would go to any lengths to be with the guy i like..i adore..but..ive gotta give up this habbit of unknown dates..coz i cant afford more posts like these..

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Walkin the Sleepwalk!

I sleepwalk in the true sense of the word..but i sleepwalk during the day..coz im too busy sleeping at nite..i dream..dream a lot..but i dream during the day..coz in the nite im too busy sleepin..there is this element of sleep that never leaves me..and so..i Sleep-walk!
i dunno why do i have to think so much writing in here..its my blog rite..i can rite anything here..rite?anything?well..lets see..winters!!(we talk about weather all the time ..when we have nothing to talk about)..i love winters..getting packed in layers of clothes..not having to face the stupid sun..and being able to roam about at any hour of the day..summers on the other hand..are..gross!! winter blues..i get winter blues when winters are leaving..!!so just like joey says when he turns 30..''why god! why!..we talked rite!" summers are sweaty..! winters are sleepy! :)
Enough of my weather talk! i guess u got my point! nothin to talk about..i dunno how much and how deep to write..tell me..

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Disaster management

"Kuch toh likh ismein'' was my first unofficial comment for my first here i write..hehe!!
so how do u manage a disaster..!! disaster in ur own the life of someone u love so intensly(no..not my bf..)..ugh!! management..i suck at it!!

Here Im ..turn the page!

I knew i would create my blog on a sad day..sad days rather..and i guess i'll be writing more when im frustated..! so much for not being able to speak up!ive always been told by friends to write more..and write when im happy..!! but ..u know whatever!