I’ve had a lot of friends since childhood.And I’m not friends with all of them now.Some have got lost in time..some have disappeared with no excuses..and some..have been kicked out of my life.As I’ve grown older..The meaning of friendship has changed to me.When I was a kid..I needed a friend only to laugh along and talk to in school..As a grew older I needed frnds to go out with and share my stupid secrets with.And now..Being a 22 yr old..I need friends go be with me through all the ups and downs in my life.
Im a sensitive hopeless case at times.I have sky high expectations..and I get hurt easily..I hate explaining myself to just anyone and I hate not being understood by people who are close to me.
Things in my life relating to frndship are somehow blown outta proportion every now and then..and the shuffle mode between me and my friends is always almost on.Over the time..and now..I’ve failed to understand..that why do I fail at keeping friendships intact..Am I a sucker for attention?Or am I a case of retarded thinking?Or simply..someone who thinks a lot..Who expects a lot.
I’ve always thought that having a bunch of frnds around always..really close ones is always good than having a best friend.I haven’t really believed in the concept of a ‘best friend’ all my life..maybe it was an excuse of not being able to have one..or maybe I was to weak to admit that one of my all closest frnds was my favourite and best of the lot.
I'm in a transition state now..Where I am thinking that having a best friend than having a group of close friends might be a better idea.
It alteast saves the time u waste on being insecure and disgusted.And plus u do know whom to trust the most and whom to rely upon without thinking twice.It amuses me sometimes how drastically things change over a small period of time..of how we start to hate someone..and love someone in such a short span..
I wonder sometimes..what keeps friendship goin?Being vocal with the feelings?Being too emotive?Or being soft..Every now and then?I always thought friendship never needed testimonies…But then,people change over time..and I am people..What I have learnt is..Sometimes..just being there..is also not enough..
Im a lazy person..when I see something slipping away from my hands..I don’t bother to go catch it..I let fate play the game..Not that I wanna be miserable..I just hate to demand once I see its not required..and fate has been cruel and sarcastic..Well..most of the times..I have been lazy.
And the time when I have been anything but lazy..I’ve carried a notion that doing something for someone is obviously more important than mere talking.But my gradual realization has been that we all remember more of what people say or have said..Than what they do..or have done..How ironic is that..
I guess sometimes being a poorer version of u saves u from hurting a higher version of you…
Its like coming to terms with life..
Trying not to expect when u wanna expect the most.
Playin along when you are retired hurt.
Well someday…I’m gonna call up all of my old friends..and get in touch..No matter what..but that day is not today..Today is a different day.And its not my day.