Its been more than a month now..and I would not say that I've been too busy to write anything..instead..Ive been listless..clueless..and I choose this very day to write coz its the peak of my listlessness ..Lemme see what I write when I have nothing to write about..
As a kid in school I used to interchange a lot of words..'Alone' and 'Lonely' were one of those..But as I've grown up and seen enough people and world around me.I can say when I feel alone and when lonley..Alone is not something I wud say that I am..Being Lonely is a curse..
Its like u think for hours over nuthin..spoil your sleep over nuthn..u think of things in a boring lecture..while watchin TV..think of things while u r with ur friends..sometimes..even when dealin with a patient..thinking of Emptiness..The Stark reality of ur life..thinkin of when will u get a chance to prove ur worth..to be able to look into future and be able to say..'Im doin good right now'.To think of the efforts u r putting into someting,anything..and say that they're worth it..to be able to love urself despite the hundred billion faults in u..to fight with the past..
Sometimes..things seem so uncertain..frnds and frndships seem momentary..temporary..Of how in the end Im one person..and just a One Single Person.
Why are people bound by boundations..why arent we true to everyone..why do I have to think of what to talk and more importantly..what not to talk.!why is it that we get misunderstood just on the basis of what we say..why cant people be understood and judged on the basis of what they feel about u..and not what they say?
And how life changes..its an irony..all the people I was good pals with in school..now are lost somewhr..not wanting to be found and pulled back.Why do I have so many virtual frndships now that would never terminate into real frndships..and why despite all this I call myself Practical.?
I liked the carefree..restless world of school..Fun! Happy! Useless!Funny!not one thing on my mind to think about..not one grudge..not one guilt.not one disliking.no hatred.no dodging.Plain.Simple. Stupid.Funny.Impractical.Dreamer.Me.
I dont hate being a human being of this age either..but there's not much fun left.Why are 'Irritation' and 'Expectation'..such big..ugly..painful words?And why am I always caught somewhr between them?Always dyin coz of them?Why am i always in pain coz of them?
Can I have a better life.? Can I not?Miles to go before i sleep..Where each mile seems like a light year.