The recent turn of events in my life have been tragic,bewildering,shocking and not to mention funny.
I promised myself that I won't be posting any sad entries and torture you.
I'm keeping it.
So,I had a few beers last night with a friend.Now, beer is overrated(no offence to the beer lovers)I'm not quite there yet.
So there I am sitting..waiting for that alcoholic kick! But none.Nada!
What is it with beers and peeing..seriously!!(there's gotta be an anti-dote!)
Anyways,I think I might hurt quite a few sentiments there if I go on with the 'anti-beer-hooplah'..So moving on..
If you have been reading my blog,then u must have come across 'Datestorm'
When I read that now,it makes me realize that after 3.5 years of a sucky relationship and 'OMG Im in louvee!' to 'Gosh,he was such a douche'. I'm back to where I started.
-What do u call a guy who flirts with you as he treats your teeth?- A Frustrated Dentist.
-What do u call a guy who is so obsessed with you,it makes you wanna cry- A Super-frustated Dentist.
-What does he call you when u fail to reciprocate his obsessive feelings?- A Moron,A Loser and what was the last one...umm..Dumbass!!
What kinda people still have those words in their dictionary? You are so 1980!!
So I meet a guy in my gym who had been 'Eying' me from every possible way- Direct vision,through mirrors-reflection,refraction,corner of his eye,pinhole camera what not!
This guy just invented a perfect 'Awww to Yikes!' line:
''Excuse me, I want your help with academics-I wanna pursue Masters in Physical Education''
Wham! Who does a Masters in physical education?Is there any Masters in physical education?
Have u heard of someone.. ''Hi,I am Joe Nash,Masters,Quadriceps.''
or ''Hi I am John Truce,Masters,Gluteus maximus.''
No place for clingy macho guys!
No place for clingy,not so macho guys either!(If you know what I mean)
-What does wine turn you into?- A 'Winey'. Pronounced as 'Whiny' and occasionally has the same meaning too!
-What's the difference between drinking wine with your girlfriends and with a guy you are out with, for the first time?
Girl friends :'Woohoo! A break from all the loggerheads in our lives'
Guy :'There is no tomorrow!'
You know what would be a great invention? A device that shuts down your body after too much alcohol after beeping 'Okay!No more alcohol for me now!I'm done.Shutting down now.Might as well get the rest parceled'!
Imagine,No more bar fights!No more drunk driving accidents! No more unwanted babies!
(Of course, The anti-dote to after beer-peeing is on the top of my list of inventions)
Oh and how could I forget this one.
-What do u call a guy who takes a gal out to post dinner coffee and buys her a 'smallest size' coffee(I didn't even know they served in that size!)- A little low on cash guy.
-What do u call a guy who takes a gal out for a 'Pao-bhaji dinner' at a family restaurant? - definite cashless guy who will never get to go out with that girl again.
(Disclaimer: Iam not against the gal paying.But Chivalry,I assume,sadly, comes at a price(pun intended). Also,the art of Chivalry should be practiced only when it makes sense.)
I say.Enough with the Pao Bhajis,Smallest size coffees,Obsessed 'lovers',Winey guys and Seekers of physical education.
Here's hoping there's no 'Datestorm 3'