Friday, April 6, 2012

Datestorm 2!!

The recent turn of events in my life have been tragic,bewildering,shocking and not to mention funny.
I promised myself that I won't be posting any sad entries and torture you.
I'm keeping it.
So,I had a few beers last night with a friend.Now, beer is overrated(no offence to the beer lovers)I'm not quite there yet.
So there I am sitting..waiting for that alcoholic kick! But none.Nada!
Instead,
What is it with beers and peeing..seriously!!(there's gotta be an anti-dote!)
Anyways,I think I might hurt quite a few sentiments there if I go on with the 'anti-beer-hooplah'..So moving on..

If you have been reading my blog,then u must have come across 'Datestorm'
When I read that now,it makes me realize that after 3.5 years of a sucky relationship and 'OMG Im in louvee!' to 'Gosh,he was such a douche'. I'm back to where I started.

Hello world!
-What do u call a guy who flirts with you as he treats your teeth?- A Frustrated Dentist.
-What do u call a guy who is so obsessed with you,it makes you wanna cry- A Super-frustated Dentist.
-What does he call you when u fail to reciprocate his obsessive feelings?- A Moron,A Loser and what was the last one...umm..Dumbass!!
aaahahaha!
What kinda people still have those words in their dictionary? You are so 1980!!

So I meet a guy in my gym who had been 'Eying' me from every possible way- Direct vision,through mirrors-reflection,refraction,corner of his eye,pinhole camera what not!
This guy just invented a perfect 'Awww to Yikes!' line:
''Excuse me, I want your help with academics-I wanna pursue Masters in Physical Education''
Wham! Who does a Masters in physical education?Is there any Masters in physical education?
Have u heard of someone.. ''Hi,I am Joe Nash,Masters,Quadriceps.''
or ''Hi I am John Truce,Masters,Gluteus maximus.''
No place for clingy macho guys!

No place for clingy,not so macho guys either!(If you know what I mean)

-What does wine turn you into?- A 'Winey'. Pronounced as 'Whiny' and occasionally has the same meaning too!
-What's the difference between drinking wine with your girlfriends and with a guy you are out with, for the first time?
Girl friends :'Woohoo! A break from all the loggerheads in our lives'
Guy :'There is no tomorrow!'

You know what would be a great invention? A device that shuts down your body after too much alcohol after beeping 'Okay!No more alcohol for me now!I'm done.Shutting down now.Might as well get the rest parceled'!

Imagine,No more bar fights!No more drunk driving accidents! No more unwanted babies!
(Of course, The anti-dote to after beer-peeing is on the top of my list of inventions)

Oh and how could I forget this one.
-What do u call a guy who takes a gal out to post dinner coffee and buys her a 'smallest size' coffee(I didn't even know they served in that size!)- A little low on cash guy.
-What do u call a guy who takes a gal out for a 'Pao-bhaji dinner' at a family restaurant? - definite cashless guy who will never get to go out with that girl again.
(Disclaimer: Iam not against the gal paying.But Chivalry,I assume,sadly, comes at a price(pun intended). Also,the art of Chivalry should be practiced only when it makes sense.)


I say.Enough with the Pao Bhajis,Smallest size coffees,Obsessed 'lovers',Winey guys and Seekers of physical education.

Here's hoping there's no 'Datestorm 3'
Cheers!! Hic!



14 comments:

insouciant iks said...

tu bas gharwalo ke paise kharch kara sakti hai. and believe me any guy will spend the money. U just need to know the art to make him do it.

Anonymous said...

A whole new breed of weird aren't they? :P

Aniket Thakkar said...

Hey there,

Deepti directed me to your blog as we were discussing Pav Bhaji at her place. :) (She takes food pretty seriously) I love beer and pav bhaji (not at the same time though ;)) so can't say I agree with all you said, but you are spot on with most of things you mention.

This is the first post of yours that I've read, and loved the fact that you speak your mind. If the rest of the posts have been typed with the same conviction as this one, would love to give them read. :)

I've no clue about the recent events in your life and have no intention to pry, so all I can say is - hang in there. Chivalric guys finish last, so sooner or later you'll stumble upon one.

Guys have their own categories of desirable females too:
AA - Absolutely Awesome (Doesn't really exist but is a figment of our imagination)
BB - Beauty with/without brains (Either can be great, depending on what one desires)
CC - Cute Chick (What most guys settle for)
DD - Damsels in Distress (They end every sentence with YOU KNOW or YAR.
EE - Exotic & Ecstatic (Easy come, easy go)

Not all are desirable to each individual mind you. ;)

Keep writing about your forthcoming adventures.

P.S. You don't seem to be a fan of the 80s but this song fits the post - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYahz6VIpIM

Anonymous said...

The wine joke was the lamest that you've come up with in the last 2 years.

And get over the 'moron' guy already!

PS: Dumbass is not 1980s. We still rock it!

Amazish said...

Hey Aniket.
First thing's first.I am a lover of pao bhaji..but certain places at certain times are not 'pao bhaji apt'. I hope u get it :)
I think YOU going through the rest of my blog on your own wud be a better idea, to check out the conviction in my writing.That ways I wont have to take back any of my words!!
I loved the lyrics to that song..seems like Sinatra could see into the future.
Lastly,dude seriously?an alphabetical classification for the female-kind? thats so sexist!Dont u think?

Amazish said...

And to My Anonymous :)
The wine joke wasn't mine.
The moron is dumped and taken care of.
I like to take 'Dumbass' only from a few close jerk-friends like you :) and no one else.

Aniket Thakkar said...

It's only as sexist as your post is feminist. :) You were discussing the male types too, just didn't classify it. I didn't mean to offend you in any way.

The classification was just something my brother came up with on his blog. But since I call myself a writer, I'll take that as constructive criticism. As long as we're on the topic, I'm in constant battle with a dear feminist friend of mine over the blogosphere: http://www.jazobair.com/ Something tells me you'll get along well with her. :)

Oh, and I do get the there's time and place for everything part. If it's a date, a lady deserves to be pampered.

If you could do without the sms style of writing (u know wat m sayin), you could seriously try your hand at writing a book. With books like 'Bombay duck is a fish' doing well, there's good market for it.

Happy writing.

Amazish said...

Writer you say.. Interesting.. What do u write?
And seriously a lot of frnds too tell me to write a book.. But i think im too impatient to write anything on that scale. :) ill take ur suggestion as a compliment..
And yeah my post talks about my experiences with guys.. Its in no way judgemental, but its true ;)
The alphabetical classification is quite catchy.. I wud b lyong if i say that i didnt classify a few gals around me by that!!

Aniket Thakkar said...

Till date I've only written short stories. I'm still learning the craft.

http://foolishnessofthings.blogspot.in/ is my playground. I also run the site http://flashfiction.in
A platform where other authors who share the love for writing can post too. My day job as a web developer has taught me new tricks over the past two years so I'm working on a new website that'll be much bigger and better than flashfiction.in, and i'll move all content there.

I have a vague big-story idea in mind, but I'm not confident enough in my writing yet, to go all guns blazing chasing a book. May be in another 6 months.

If you like reading, people on my sidebar are seriously worth visiting. Most of them are (now) published authors.

Amazish said...

Sure.. I will check that out! :)

kurakula kirthi said...

i definitely know who dis guy z .. who keeps eyeing on U sweetie!!
KUDOS

Amazish said...

@Kirthi..you do? haha...spill the beans woman..I dont know whom you're talkin about..!!

ashhhh said...

Being a coffee freak myself, I'd like to bring to ur notice that not always is a small cup a sign of "low cash guy" - I mean an espresso comes in a miniature cup but I'm a fan of espresso; and at times would prefer it to a capuccino/mocha grande even if my purse is a lil too heavy.

ashhhh said...

N seriously- u actually went on a date at a pao bhaji restaurant? if I were you I would've popped him off with an excuse.. Or he directly took you there without warning?