Message Pending...

Arrgghh..Im so irritated right now..!!Someone on orkut just asked me if I were a girl coz he thought I was married..jerk!I gave him the proper dosage of what he reqd.!jerk...!!!

Anyway..this is not the thing that I was gonna write about..(jerk!)..yeah..There's this thing that I wrote long back..in my cellfone actually...Quite depressing(quite opposite to my mood rite now)..but I think that since I have it till today..it deserves to be here..

I remember those days..man!I had dropped a year for my medical entrances..It seemed like the end of the world to me.I mean, I thought that it was the last year of my life practically..but I just survived under the pressure..Luckily I came out alive..and Im sure Im not the only one who had to go through the Drop Year Trauma...Its sucks yaar..I think of it now..and the only thing that I can think of is..That i dont wanna think about it..!!Alright..Im happy to be where Im now(As if i have an option!)..:)

One thing's for sure now..No more entrances for me..I'll rather kill myself.!(no..Im not depressed..Im just too flamboyant today)...Ive heard this a lot of time..(From my drunken friends actually)..'I wish God made a perfect partner for me..and he/she just walked up to me and said hi!'...Hello!! How about..'God made some post grad arrangements for me and the university walks upto me to say..come on baby!!! ugh! Anyways..I know God's not listenin..ehm..readin i mean..!!( He never does!!!)

(Just wondering again..how could that jerk say that I looked like a married woman..damn!! damn!)
Okay..okay..im cool..!
Yeah..Its something about Life I wrote 4 years ago..I was too Depressed..Annoyed..and possibly wanted to kill myself..(ofcourse i didnt);)

I guess the pending mesaage has to get delivered today.

You are not what u think you are.
Coz you are what your life teaches you about you.
Your life aint your follower.
Its your boss as your fate.
Its a mockery as your past..sarcastic joke as your present.
It shows you the path,derails you and asks you to put yourselves back.
Its the mirage that u see on a hot desert afternoon.
Rainbow that is made by harshness of the sun and loss of the clouds..still it is beautiful to you.
Colors that have to disappear.
Emptiness that has to emerge.
Darkness that descends upon you.
Madness that encircles you.
Life is yours.Deal with it.

Its been more than a month now..and I would not say that I've been too busy to write anything..instead..Ive been listless..clueless..and I choose this very day to write coz its the peak of my listlessness ..Lemme see what I write when I have nothing to write about..

As a kid in school I used to interchange a lot of words..'Alone' and 'Lonely' were one of those..But as I've grown up and seen enough people and world around me.I can say when I feel alone and when lonley..Alone is not something I wud say that I am..Being Lonely is a curse..

Its like u think for hours over nuthin..spoil your sleep over nuthn..u think of things in a boring lecture..while watchin TV..think of things while u r with ur friends..sometimes..even when dealin with a patient..thinking of Emptiness..The Stark reality of ur life..thinkin of when will u get a chance to prove ur worth..to be able to look into future and be able to say..'Im doin good right now'.To think of the efforts u r putting into someting,anything..and say that they're worth it..to be able to love urself despite the hundred billion faults in u..to fight with the past..

Sometimes..things seem so uncertain..frnds and frndships seem momentary..temporary..Of how in the end Im one person..and just a One Single Person.

Why are people bound by boundations..why arent we true to everyone..why do I have to think of what to talk and more importantly..what not to talk.!why is it that we get misunderstood just on the basis of what we say..why cant people be understood and judged on the basis of what they feel about u..and not what they say?

And how life changes..its an irony..all the people I was good pals with in school..now are lost somewhr..not wanting to be found and pulled back.Why do I have so many virtual frndships now that would never terminate into real frndships..and why despite all this I call myself Practical.?

I liked the carefree..restless world of school..Fun! Happy! Useless!Funny!not one thing on my mind to think about..not one grudge..not one guilt.not one disliking.no hatred.no dodging.Plain.Simple. Stupid.Funny.Impractical.Dreamer.Me.

I dont hate being a human being of this age either..but there's not much fun left.Why are 'Irritation' and 'Expectation'..such big..ugly..painful words?And why am I always caught somewhr between them?Always dyin coz of them?Why am i always in pain coz of them?

Can I have a better life.? Can I not?Miles to go before i sleep..Where each mile seems like a light year.