Random

I dunno what I should write here today..I never am sure..but today I feel like an angry guitarist,mad at the world..mad at the fate..life..mad at everything ever created..everything that ever took birth..Crazy..Disgusted..Aloof...Sunk.
Im like a guitarist today who wud play his music until his fingers bleed..until his head aches.Until he's given up...Until he knows its enough.So deep in thoughts and madness that he's given up the fight for air.The struggle has been put to rest.Who knows nuthin about anything..but knows just one thing..That there's no afterlife.And thanks God for that.
Ive been accused of going into a 'Shell'..Ive been persuaded to come outta it time and again..I wish it was as easy as easily its said..I wish things were that easy to share all the time..half of everyone's troubles would have put to rest then.Life would have been so damn easy..
Today I can define some things clearly..A rope that Im holding and all my world is clung to its other end..the rope's slipping..but its not dragging me with it..perhaps my world just shrunk and weighs less now..perhaps my world doesn't want me..perhaps I want to be proved wrong..perhaps..'Perhaps' was never a word..
Clarity..is all that I want..Certainty is what I crave for..helplessness is what I loathe..I wish things were simpler..and simpler things were handled even more simply.I wish I was never this helpless ..this helpless..
I wish I were a supergirl.I wish I were god.I wish I was so many people at so many times.I wish I wasnt me this time.I wish I laughed without a sad thought at the back of my mind.I wish I cud clarify my thoughts.I wish I could just do something about somethings.I wish I could break all the shells.And sell off my mind somewhere.
I so badly wish I was a guitarist.I so badly wish I could just sing..shout..yell..scream..
I wish I had less shades of blue and more of yellow..I wish I cud just lie dormant and close my eyes..with no thought..no worry..no pain in me.
Shines! bright Shines! Laughters!Smiles!cant things always just be about them?
I feel like a sad angry guitarist who wants no answers to his questions..Who wants all the answers to all his questions..Who doesnt give a damn to the world outside his world..Who's connected somewhere..somewhere he doesnt wanna get disconnected from..
Kick all the hopes..forget about everything..Dont look into the mirror..Go off to sleep..Dream..Dream about things u always wanted to happen to you..Shut down.
Think of a place where everyone was happy with evryone.Think of a place where Ive never been to.Love.Laugh.Smile.Smile with spark in ur eyes.And speak no word.no plans.no desires.no burns.no bruises.no shells.no walls.
Just me and my world.
Its never too much to ask for.

Message Pending...

Arrgghh..Im so irritated right now..!!Someone on orkut just asked me if I were a girl coz he thought I was married..jerk!I gave him the proper dosage of what he reqd.!jerk...!!!

Anyway..this is not the thing that I was gonna write about..(jerk!)..yeah..There's this thing that I wrote long back..in my cellfone actually...Quite depressing(quite opposite to my mood rite now)..but I think that since I have it till today..it deserves to be here..

I remember those days..man!I had dropped a year for my medical entrances..It seemed like the end of the world to me.I mean, I thought that it was the last year of my life practically..but I just survived under the pressure..Luckily I came out alive..and Im sure Im not the only one who had to go through the Drop Year Trauma...Its sucks yaar..I think of it now..and the only thing that I can think of is..That i dont wanna think about it..!!Alright..Im happy to be where Im now(As if i have an option!)..:)

One thing's for sure now..No more entrances for me..I'll rather kill myself.!(no..Im not depressed..Im just too flamboyant today)...Ive heard this a lot of time..(From my drunken friends actually)..'I wish God made a perfect partner for me..and he/she just walked up to me and said hi!'...Hello!! How about..'God made some post grad arrangements for me and the university walks upto me to say..come on baby!!! ugh! Anyways..I know God's not listenin..ehm..readin i mean..!!( He never does!!!)

(Just wondering again..how could that jerk say that I looked like a married woman..damn!! damn!)
Okay..okay..im cool..!
Yeah..Its something about Life I wrote 4 years ago..I was too Depressed..Annoyed..and possibly wanted to kill myself..(ofcourse i didnt);)

I guess the pending mesaage has to get delivered today.

You are not what u think you are.
Coz you are what your life teaches you about you.
Your life aint your follower.
Its your boss as your fate.
Its a mockery as your past..sarcastic joke as your present.
It shows you the path,derails you and asks you to put yourselves back.
Its the mirage that u see on a hot desert afternoon.
Rainbow that is made by harshness of the sun and loss of the clouds..still it is beautiful to you.
Colors that have to disappear.
Emptiness that has to emerge.
Darkness that descends upon you.
Madness that encircles you.
Life is yours.Deal with it.